Let's Talk About It: SOS Panel

Let’s Talk About It:
Survivors of Suicide Loss Panel Share Feelings on Presentation

The audience of over two-hundred attending DCSPATF’s November 2007 Conference was genuinely moved during a panel presentation in which individuals shared personal stories of their struggles after the death of a loved one by suicide. For many Conference attendees, this was an eye-opening and deeply appreciated opportunity to gain insight into the challenges and complicated grief that accompany a suicide loss. The moderator and panel members had presented panel discussions to audiences made up of other survivors, but never to the general public. They hoped by reaching a wider audience they could increase the understanding of suicide and suicide loss.

The Delaware County Suicide Prevention & Awareness Task Force extends it’s gratitude to the panel participants for their contribution to the success of the Conference and wishes to recognize the personal strength and courage it took to talk publicly about the private pain they have experienced. We also thank each individual for the following accounts of the difficulties and rewards they experienced in giving that presentation.

● ● ● In Our Own Voice ● ● ●

MARYELLEN (as Moderator): A special presentation was held at the Symposium on November 15th at the Villanova Conference Center. Survivors of Suicide held a panel discussion with survivors who lost a loved one to suicide. Represented was Tony, loss of a Son; Gail, loss of a Spouse; Sue, loss of a Son; Linda, loss of a Sibling. As Director of the Survivors of Suicide Support Groups, I was asked to moderate the Panel. I too lost a Son to suicide. We normally do this type of Panel discussion at the Survivors Seminars that are attended primarily by other Survivors. We knew this would be emotionally draining for us but we felt we needed to let people know the complexities of the grief from a suicide loss.

After the Conference, the Panel received many wonderful evaluations which touched all our hearts. Apparently it was a powerful experience for most that attended. The Task Force requested that I ask the Panel how they felt about their experience.

GAIL: I was emotionally drained, but I get a feeling of strength from telling my story. And I think it is really important to convey to other people the impact that the death has had on me. I sensed compassion from the audience. I hope we helped them understand a little better. (After leaving the Conference Gail treated herself to a milkshake.)

SUE: I am always very hesitant to participate where I have to talk about Jake and my experience, as I know it is going to bring back very painful thoughts and feelings, and I am never quite sure where it will go days or even weeks after. But on the same hand, I know that it could help someone else who might be coping with the depression of a loved one or who has also suffered a loss. After the panel discussion I had a lot of nervous energy and drove straight back to work, where I dove into work and did not discuss with anyone where I was that morning or what I had done. I understand Gail went for a milk shake. I wish I would have gone with her or done something similar.

I am always struck that I still learn so much about suicide and grief when I listen to others share their thoughts and feelings. This was particularly true of this panel discussion. You are always able to make me reach and think beyond myself, something I am always grateful for.

LINDA: As always I can pull it together for an event and emotionally let down later. After the conference I literally broke down for two days. I cried, I mean sobbed, like I haven’t done in years. I haven’t talked about all the responsibilities that were put on me as the oldest sibling in a while, so it was tough. It was very draining and emotional. I always hope that by sharing our stories people can try to understand the indescribable pain we have, how it is multifaceted, and never just “goes away”. It just gets different through the various stages of life. (Linda felt especially vulnerable the day of the Conference because her one living sibling had been seriously injured in an accident three weeks before. This was bringing up many painful memories for her. Thankfully, he is recovering}.

MARYELLEN: I was so proud of all the panel members. The best word that comes to mind is COURAGE. We realize that unless you suffered this tragedy you cannot understand or relate to the grief. For too many years we were shut out because society did not know how to “handle” us. We understand that fear, but the statistics are growing every year and society needs to pay attention to that. Maybe our contribution will help to open up the communication.

For me personally it was overwhelming when two of the panel members said I saved their lives. It was so humbling and I cried for weeks every time I thought about it. That is a great responsibility to “save someone’s life”. You are the best people, and I am so lucky to have met you on my journey. Thank you so much!

TONY: I hope all whom attended the Conference will realize that the Survivors’ contribution on the panel will help with suicide prevention.

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The Survivors of Suicide Support Group now has 14 chapters within Southeastern PA, DE and NJ. In addition to Delaware County, locations in PA include Paoli, Bryn Mawr, Philadelphia, Willow Grove, Lancaster, Ft. Washington, Warrington, Langhorne, Quakertown, and in NJ, Barrington, Barnegat, and Ocean County, and Wilmington, DE. See RESOURCES for more information or access the SOS web site at http://phillysos.tripod.com/sos/index.html.

The Delaware County, PA chapter meets at the
Crozer Chester Medical Center
15th Street & Upland Avenue, Upland, PA
3rd Tuesday of the month at 7:30PM
Facilitator: Maryellen Carpenter (215) 545-2242